Mediation is required when parents can’t come to agreement on who will have “custody “ of their kids, the judge will send them to mediation. This assumes you have not voluntarily hired a mediator on your own volition.

So what does “custody” mean?

 “Custody” basically means who the children will live with and when. It also includes who will make decisions around the children’s health care, education, transportation, diet, birthdays, holidays and a whole range of other important decisions. This is usually called a “parenting plan.”

Will the judge give custody under the terms we want?

 As long as you can come to an agreement that makes sense a judge will almost always accept the details that have been worked out in the mediation process. The judge however, is not compelled to agree to the terms of custody that you and your spouse have agreed to. This is why it makes sense to have a mediator who knows what makes sense in terms of what a judge may decide.

What if we can’t agree on the terms of custody?

  If there are issues around the children’s custody that can not be resolved through the mediation process then its up to the judge to make the decision as to who gets custody and what the terms of that custody will be. It is always better to come to an agreement yourselves rather than loose control of the process and let some judge decide what will happen.

Are conversations with the mediator private?

  Not really. If the mediator suspects child abuse or neglect they are compelled to tell the judge or other authorities. The mediator can tell the other parent or the judge what you say. Take some time at the beginning of the process to understand what privacy rules apply and ones that don’t, the mediator will be able to give you direction on what privacy rules apply and the ones that don’t. about these issues, your mediator to explain the privacy rules.

Can I bring someone with me?

  Unless there is a compelling reason why you shouldn’t then the answer is yes. Often times we need support working through these issues. If the support person becomes a obstacle in the process, the mediator may ask them to waite outside the room where the mediation is taking place.

What if I am worried about domestic violence?

  Make sure the mediator and the judge is made aware of this. If you fell intimidated by your spouse and don’t want to meet with them then tell the mediator and they will meet with you separately and ask your mediator about “supervised visitation”.

What is“supervised visitation”?

  “Supervised visitation” means the child can visit the other parent if another adult is present. Ask your mediator if there is a “supervised visitation center” where you live. If there is no center in your area, talk with your mediator about other options.